4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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