a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
