I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
