I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
