i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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