Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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