i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
