Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize