i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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