i'm signing you up for texting rehab
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
