She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
