i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
3pm strippers are depressing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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