ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize