I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
