There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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