so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
