I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
