I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
