i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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