Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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