So gin and wine won't be happening again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
