dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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