If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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