moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
