I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need a beard to bite.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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