i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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