I wish you could order shots online.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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