I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
