Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
