i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
