I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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