The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
