my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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