lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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