I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
im on a boat
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