i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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