apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
