If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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