Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
