i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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