There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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