...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
