Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
