Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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