Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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