I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
