Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
