That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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