i barfeds in our rink
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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