No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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