I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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