I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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