So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
