you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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