She said her name was "party"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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