either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
