my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize