I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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