I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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