My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
