Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
