I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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