My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
