somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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