you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
