Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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