Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
