What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
