I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
