google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i think i have two assholes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
