I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
