wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize