Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
