Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
